…And in Chicago, they make swell ivy holders

On Tuesday, our dear leader delivered his second State of the Union Address. Or, in blockbuster movie parlance, SotU2: No Time for Fact Checking. Naturally, all the liberals out there are taking exception to his remarks, mostly deetee’s push for a magnificent wall on the Southern border. They’re even arguing against the idea that “walls work,” as the prez so eloquently put it.

That’s just ridiculous. Walls absolutely work.

I’m a homeowner. In fact, I’ve owned several of them. And I’ve got to tell you, if you’re thinking of building a home, I absolutely implore you to consider walls. Sturdy, well-designed walls have significant load-bearing capabilities. They repel unwanted animal incursions, insect infestations and the prying eyes of your neighbor’s creepy son. They provide strength against the elements. Do you doubt that, Demonrats? Allow me to introduce you to Little Piggy No. 3.

And that’s not all. They’re good at keeping both the hot and the cold in, and the hot and the cold out. They’re like giant, paneled thermoses that way.

And they’re not just useful on the outside. Unless you’re a devotee of the Nouveau Warehouse School of Architecture, you probably want to divvy up your big house into smaller compartments. Who wants prison-style privacy when you need to powder your nose? Walls work for that too.

Think I’m done? Guess again. Say you live next to the highway, and you’d rather engine-breaking semis, bleating car horns and squealing tires not provide the soundtrack to your dinner. What are you going to do? Put up a wall.

Or you’d prefer that sloped part of your yard doesn’t fall off into an abyss, or the adjacent river doesn’t splash into your rumpus room? You betcha, walls are the answer.

And don’t ever forget how many Banksy works, classic 1979 albums and tales of doomed, anthropomorphic eggs would be lost to the world forever without walls.

Granted, they’re not terribly effective at keeping determined people from going where they want to go, on account of that whole free will and capacity to reason thing that some individuals have over dirt, water and noise. But other than that, walls do work. And I’ll be damned if any Godless, America-hating liberal punk tries to use logic and history and the government’s own numbers to tell me differently.

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