Sending out an SHS

Sarah Huckabee Sanders is pretty easy to loathe, even in a Trump Administration crawling with such detestable characters. There’s the daily lying, of course, but that’s to be expected with the press secretary for a president whose relationship with the truth can most generously be described as “estranged.”

But it’s more than that. She somehow plays moral scold while defending the most inhumane administration on record. And she does so with a joylessness that must come standard with being one of Mike Huckabee’s offspring.

Now, she’s not as despicable as Captain Orange, his vapid veep, his uneducated education secretary, Betsy of Vos, his ethically vacant EPA secretary Scotty P, his (well, you get the picture), since she’s not responsible for any of the odious policies and decisions that we have to live with. Yet she manages to be equally icky. That’s no small feat.

And yet, SHS, like the rest of us, ought to be able to eat her dinner at whatever the hell restaurant she wants.

I know the arguments – this is what the right wanted, her working for the administration is a choice, etc.). Bullshit. And for evidence, look no further than the legendary Supreme Court Case of Mother vs. Misbehaving Child, where it was held, and I quote: two wrongs don’t make a right.

If you believe that it’s wrong for Christian bakers to refuse to sell a wedding cake to a gay couple, or for restaurants to refuse service to LBTGQ individuals, you can’t forfeit that belief just because the patron is now your version of hideous.

It would have been much better, and defensible, for the restaurant owners to tell her guest: “Ms. Sanders. I want you to know that I find your boss’s policies reprehensible, and your defense of them to be outrageous. The entire Trump Administration is a disgrace to what makes our country truly special, and someday you will be forced to answer for your role in implementing them. However, since I believe that is not my place to refuse service based on beliefs, you are welcome to dine here, even if you are decidedly not welcome here.”

Principles are only tested when it’s hardest to live up to them.

Don’t forfeit them for some temporary schadenfreude.

75 Percent Less Fat: No. 41

Since discovering the New Pornographers with the release of their second disc, this album, they’ve been one of my favorite bands of the new millennium. As a present from my lovely wife, I caught them on my 50th birthday last year, joining a lot of other old people at Metro in Chicago, where I discovered that standing in one place for 3-plus hours is a lot harder than it used to be.

The New Pos enjoy one of the longest stretches on my CD rack (yep, I’ve still got one of those). I’ve got their entire catalogue, save their last release, which I’m sure I’ll add to my collection in time (I’m rarely a new release guy – typically acquiring an album long after it hit the shelves. Well, back when there were shelves).

Just as I’m sure I’ll eventually purchase Whiteout Conditions, I’m equally certain I’ll enjoy some parts of it immensely*, while other parts don’t wow me. While the New Pos were certain to have a spot in this here countdown, the choice of album was up in the air. And, if I were to review this down the road, I could easily peg debut disc Mass Romantic, No. 3 Twin Cinema (which contains my No. 1 song of all-time), or some other entry in this slot. The New Pornographers have churned out consistently good albums in their 15-plus years of recording, but I think a true masterpiece has eluded them. At this point, I doubt they’ll deliver one. It’s still a testament to just how good the band is that an imperfect work could still crack my list.

The Laws Have Changed was my intro to the band, and it remains one of their best singles. The song is a perfect example of the group at its best, with changing tempos and Carl Newman and Neko sharing shifting vocal duties. Other highlights include All for Swinging You Around, The End of Medicine and The New Face of Zero and One.

*Given the absence of Dan Bejar from the disc, the first time the Destroyer frontman hasn’t appeared on an album from the band, it’s possible I’ll like it more than most. Though I think his presence is a net positive overall, given the change of pace he provides from the Newman-penned songs, I’ve never been a big fan of his work.

Important Information:

Name: Electric Version

Released: 2003

Record Company: Matador

Running Time: 46:41

Track Listing:

  1. The Electric Version
  2. From Blown Speakers
  3. The Laws Have Changed
  4. The End of Medicine
  5. Loose Translation
  6. Chump Change
  7. All for Swinging You Around
  8. The New Face of Zero and One
  9. Testament to Youth in Verse
  10. It’s Only Divine Right
  11. Ballad of a Comeback Kid
  12. July Jones
  13. Miss Teen Wordpower

TBtB: Arizona Diamondbacks


Following the lead of the Rangers, the Diamondbacks owners were in negotiations over the conditions of their 20-year-old ballpark, which I like to think of as Miller Park Southwest (I’ve only been to Miller, but they strike me as pretty similar. Their retractable roof set-ups look alike from my screen, and the Bernie-only slide in Milwaukee is countered by the pool built in the desert for inebriated Phoenicians and celebrating Dodgers). That issue appears to be settled. At least for now. You can never say never, since there’s no quit in extortionist.

I do have high hopes the name you guys come up with will be a good one. The Diamondbacks, while a little long, is a great baseball nickname, meeting my two main requirements (uniqueness and local relevance), and as a bonus, it’s got a baseball term tucked in. Along those lines, despite arriving on the scene much later than the rest of the major facilities, Phoenix’s Sky Harbor is the best-named airport in America, or at least the best since the tongue-tickling Idlewild became one of 11,232 things in New York to change its name to JFK in the mid-60s.

Of course, the club also represents one of the true sources of destruction of the American ideal. Our problem isn’t in the ability to name things, but nickname them. Two perfectly suitable diminutives exist for Diamondbacks, either Backs or Snakes, and Diamonds would do in a pinch. Instead, we get the thoroughly artless D-Backs. If the Pittsburgh club was born near the turn of this century, instead of the last one, we’d undoubtedly be eschewing Bucs for P-Rates. Blecch.

Ballpark History

Built: 1998


Capacity: 48,686


Name:  Chase Field 2006-present. Formerly called Bank One Ballpark (2000-05).

Other ballparks used by club in its current city: None, though the area is rife with spring training stadia given the Cactus League is now entirely a Valley production.

Distinctive Features: The skinny tie of dirt that connects the pitcher’s mound to home; swimming pool beyond right field; first retractable roof stadium paired with natural grass; like everything else in Phoenix, working AC. The Diamondbacks annually rank first in the Fan Cost Index, which estimates the average price for a family of four to attend a game. That’s a nice feature.

Ballpark Highlights:

On Oct 3, 1999, Jay Bell tripled and homered to lead the Diamondbacks to a 10-3 win over visiting San Diego, the 100th victory of the campaign for a team just one season removed from its first year of existence. Of the sport’s other 13 expansion franchises, only five (New York Mets, LA Angels, Seattle, Houston and Kansas City) have ever won 100 in any season.

On May 8, 2001, Randy Johnson fanned 20 Cincinnati Reds before exiting after nine innings of the eventual 4-3, 11-inning Diamondback win. Because the game lasted more than nine, even if the Unit didn’t, the feat isn’t listed in the record book alongside Clemens, Wood and Scherzer.

Luis Gonzalez’s cued a single over the head of a drawn-in Derek Jeter off future Hall of Famer Mariano Rivera to cap a two-run ninth-inning rally and one of the best World Series of the last 30 years. The fourth-year Diamondbacks won their only title despite Bob Brenly’s dogged efforts to prevent that from happening.

In 2006, Jake Peavy and six relievers combined to shut out Mexico in the United States’ inaugural game of the World Baseball Classic.

In 2009, Opening Day starter Brandon Webb, who had placed first, second and second in voting for the three previous NL Cy Young awards, was lifted after four innings. He would never throw another pitch in the big leagues, thus retiring as the greatest Diamondbacks-only player in club history.







TBtB: Houston Astros

Exhibit A in the Trouble with Naming Rights. Minute Maid Park was formerly known as Enron Field, until that energy trading company became the poster child for corporate malfeasance. Contrast that with Houston’s former home. The greatest potential embarrassment for the Astrodome was if George Jetson’s dog started humping Mr. Spacely’s leg.

While Enron was a crappy company, it was a pretty solid corporate name for a ballpark. It rolled off the tongue quite nicely, particularly given how you could squint your ears and think it was Home Run Field. Its replacement makes you think of Florida, even if the corporate office for Minute Maid is right there in the 281.

As with the Fish Tank, Houston went a little overboard on the quirk, but in a location where it doesn’t necessarily fit as well as it does in South Beach. You have the railroad to nowhere above left field, and, Tal’s Hill, now leveled, in center. I guess you have to try a little harder when you’re replacing the Eighth Wonder, even if the old place had gotten quite long in the tooth.

Unlike the recent batch of five parks where the old name was a strong contender, I doubt MM is even nominated here. It’s just that useless.

Ballpark History

Built: 2000

Capacity: 41,168

Name: Minute Maid Park, 2002-present. Before that, Enron Field 2000-02; Astros Field, a few months in 2002.

Other ballparks used by club in its current city:  Astrodome, 1965-1999; Colt Stadium, 1962-64.

Distinctive Features: The train honoring the site’s history as Houston’s Union Station; the left field wall scoreboard below the Crawford Boxes; Home Run Pump in center, tallying Astros homers hit in the park since its opening; Tal’s Hill and flagpole, (2000-1916), the 30-degree incline and in-play pole, both cursed by a generation of NL centerfielders.

Ballpark Highlights:
A disputed ninth-inning home run by Brad Ausmus just cleared the pointless yellow line in left center, rallying the Astros from a five-run deficit in a 2005 NLDS game with Atlanta. Nine innings later, a Chris Burke homer gave the ’Stros a 7-6 win to claim the series in the longest playoff game in ML history.

Looking to close out the series, Brad Lidge gave up the Holy Shit Homer to Albert Pujols to keep the Cardinals alive in the rematch of the 2004 NLCS. Two nights later, the ’Stros would win Game 6 in St. Louee to earn their first Fall Classic appearance.

In the first World Series game played in Texas, Geoff Blum hit a 14th-inning home run off Ezequiel Astacio to propel the White Sox to a 7-5 victory. The following evening, the visitors finished off the sweep for their first title in 88 years.

On Opening Day 2013, the tank-mode hosts accidentally beat visiting Texas 8-2, marking their first game in the American League after 51 seasons in the Senior Circuit.

Alex Bregman’s 10th-inning single to center scored pinch-runner Derek Fisher to give Houston a 13-12 victory in Game 5 of the 2017 World Series. Three nights later, in Los Angeles, the Astros would claim their first world title.


Utley Rule Can’t Last

While predicting what Major League Baseball will do under its bizarre boss Bobby Manfred is a challenging endeavor, I’m going to tempt fate: When the 2019 season kicks off, there will be a new version of the Chase Utley Rule.

The Utley Rule, so-named after the future Hall of Fame snub Chase Utley viciously bulldozed New York’s Ruben Tejada at second base in the 2015 National League Championship Series, was designed to reduce carnage on double play attempts.

The rule has been somewhat effective in achieving its aims, though much less so than the Buster Posey Rule. That was the change to the rule governing home plate that was named for the victim, rather than the perpetrator, of a gruesome collision. The long-overdue Posey Rule required some adjustments by catchers to stop blocking the plate without the ball, but baserunners no longer felt compelled to piledrive the backstop to score a valuable run, and began to opt for the safer play.

In contrast, the Utley Rule is one that players and managers haven’t fully embraced. The interested parties don’t seem to have uniform understanding of its elements, or uniform acceptance of its aims.

Two plays in the last week have brought the issue to the forefront and are different examples of why the rule needs to be rewritten. On Memorial Day in Pittsburgh, Anthony Rizzo, who was out by a good eight feet on a force play at the plate, made a slight detour from his established line to make a hard slide at the legs of Pirate catcher Elias Diaz. Rizzo’s crappy slide was ruled OK by the umps at the park and, upon review, by the guys back in New York. It was also given the Seal of Approval from Rizzo’s insufferable boss, Joe Maddon. One day later, MLB ruled that Rizzo’s slide was not “just dandy,” and should have resulted in a double play.

That both the umps on the field and the ones in the booth looking at the exact same video evidence the league would use couldn’t get the call right suggests there’s not enough clarity in the rule as currently written.

Last night, we saw another example of why the rule can’t survive. On the final play of the Rangers-Angels contest, repeat offender Rougned Odor tried to break up a double play with a wide slide to catch Andrelton Simmons. The effort failed and the Angels were still able to turn two, though Simmons expressed his displeasure with the slide to Odor, a man you may not want to risk upsetting.

This play represented two other problems with the play. First, it’s clear that the players have differing views of what MLB was trying to do with the rule. Some, like Rizzo and Odor, believe the takeout slide is still a cherished part of the game, and that MLB was only trying to eliminate the horrifically egregious acts like Utley’s. Others believe the league is trying to make the game safer for our nation’s precious supply of middle infielders (and occasionally catchers), it wants to wipe out those reckless acts and the Utley Rule merely codified that desire in a way that was also manageable for the men in blue.

Moreover, even if the umps on the field had ruled that Odor’s slide violated Rule 601(j), the consequences were nil. The Angels managed to accomplish the proscribed penalty anyway.

There will be more of these types of plays, and more back and forth about whether some future slide was dirty and unwarranted or just “good hard baseball.” And that issue won’t be resolved until MLB makes it clear just what it wants, and writes a rule that meets that aim.




Godspeed Hanley

For most athletes, I make up my mind early whether I’m a fan, and typically stick with it. Then there’s Hanley Ramirez.

Hanley was one of the true, and rare, minor league prizes from the Dan Duquette-era Red Sox. He was the guy all Sox fans were following from the time the club inked him as an amateur FA from the Dominican Republic at the age of 16 ½.

But Hanley’s push through the Sox system wasn’t a smooth one, and a lot of the sheen was off his prospect status when Boston dealt him to Miami for Josh Beckett and Mike Lowell in late 2005. The Marlins, locked in one of their periodic Fish guttings, immediately turned over the starting shortstop job to him at the age of 22. And Hanley rewarded them, running off a string of all-star caliber seasons over his first four seasons in the big leagues. Only the success of Beckett and Lowell, key members of the ’07 championship team, kept him from becoming a Bagwellian figure in Sox fan lore.

But even while he was establishing himself as one of the most valuable players in the game, there were signs of the issues that started to creep when he was coming up on the farm. Disputes with management and fellow players, some occasional bouts of laziness, including a notorious failure to run down an errant throw, led some to think he was giving much of that on-field value back.

After five seasons of excellent and healthy play, Hanley soon became a DL regular, during both his final days in South Florida and his subsequent relocation to the left coast with the Dodgers. But his bat bounced back in LA, and Boston gobbled him and fellow question mark Pablo Sandoval when he hit free agency in 2015. With Hanley, the club’s plan was to relocate him from short, where his glove would no longer play, to left, where his glove would prove to be made of some sort of baseball-repellent material. As defensive shifts go, it was an utter disaster, and mandated a second shift the following year over to first, where Hanley dispelled the predictions of more chaos by turning in his best season in Beantown on both sides of the ball.

Even with a decent campaign behind him, the Sox signed the perpetually below-average Mitch Moreland to man first in 2017 and moved Hanley down to the bottom rung of the defensive spectrum. His bat didn’t cooperate, and when Boston signed born-DH J.D. Martinez to handle that chore this offseason, Ramirez’s future was a question, particularly given a vesting option for 2019 that kicked in if Hanley reached a PA threshold.

Last week, the Boston FO made sure that didn’t happen, jettisoning the slumping Ramirez to clear a roster space for the returning Dustin Pedroia. I was glad they did, but not because I didn’t care for Hanley. It was the opposite. The Hanley Ramirez who returned to Boston for a second stint was one of the more likable players to don the carmine hose in recent memory, something I’d never expected to write during the first decade of this century.

After his miserable first season on the field, Hanley became a joy to watch in Years 2, 3 and the abbreviated 4. The guy with the questionable attitude in the Boston minor league system and his early days in Florida played with a permanent smile on his face, egged on his teammates and, most notably, engaged the fans of the Fens like few have before him. Clips like this, or this or this or this show a guy who just loved and appreciated being a big league ballplayer, the way we like to think we’d be if we had that opportunity. That’s how I want to remember him.

I didn’t want to see the final days of his Sox tenure become a question over his vesting option, with Hanley getting testy if he wasn’t getting used enough for his liking. And with $22 million at stake, who could blame him? To see the happy-go-lucky, fan-friendly Hanley become consumed by his playing time and questions about a role his bat simply wasn’t justifying would have been dispiriting in what’s shaping up as an otherwise excellent Sox season.

No, better to cut the cord now. I hope he latches on somewhere else, regains his stroke and tacks on another couple of productive years. I hope he makes the occasional return to Landsdowne Street and is greeted warmly by fans who appreciate how much he appreciated them. I hope he gets to choose when he hangs up the spikes, rather than have the game do it for him.

I hope he does all of this. Just not with the Yankees.